There are many things I enjoy about being a single woman. The ability to check out as many men as I'd like, unlimited girl time, many many things. I have started to call these things "single girl orgasms" and I'd like to share a few with you.
For some strange reason, women in committed relationships seem to think that all single females are miserable, ugly, feminists that just aren't trying hard enough to find a companion. Well, I might be ugly and a feminist, but I'm certainly not miserable. I find indulgences in as many things as possible, putting these uppity ladies in their places.
Food: I used to hate food, and sometimes I still do. As a girl in a relationship, I would always be conscience of what I ate around the select male. Celery, cottage cheese and apple wedges were all I ever looked to. As a single girl, you could eat an entire tub of Ben&Jerry's and still feel AWESOME. In fact, it's encouraged. Eat that Cherry Garcia, EAT!
Movies: I can't tell you how many car chases, explosions and Megan Fox sex scenes I have unfortunately been exposed to. As a single girl, you know I be watchin' those Norah Ephron flicks! Crying when Julie Powell finds out that Julia Child hates her, laughing when Juno makes fun of Bleeker's mom. As a girl in a relationship, you're often put through a lot, and I mean a lot, of bad movies. As a single girl, you're also put through a lot of bad movies, but those usually include a shirtless heartthrob. See the difference?
Friends: When you're in a relationship, you often sacrifice time that used to be spent with your friends. It sucks. Your friends get pissed at you, you get pissed at your friends, you're often told by your boyfriend that having so many male friends makes him uncomfortable. Its a bad situation. Well, as a single girl you can be friends with whomever you want and spend unlimited time with them! This could include "date nights" with your best guy friends, sitcom marathons with your girls and unlimited pedicures with your friends' cool new nail polish.
Dancing: When you go to a dance or the club with your boyfriend, dancing is pretty limited. You're either forced to ram your booty on his junk all night or he only wants to dance to the slower songs. Let's be real...I live in the Midwest, most guys suck at dancing here. Not all, but most. When you're single, you can freak out and get your groove on in the weirdest of ways! You can do all of the cheesy dance moves, hop around from guy to guy on the dance floor or finally learn how to Bernie. You never experience having fun until you're flying free to Love Shack with a hot pink boa wrapped around you.
Now, now, relationships aren't always bad. They're nice when you're 89, on your death bed and have someone to carry away your buckets of urine. Until then, meaning from birth until age 88, you don't need that crap! Live your life how you want it, on your own terms. If you happen to find some idiot that aligns with those terms, I guess you could date or something dumb like that..but don't settle!
Eat unhealthy once in awhile, watch James Franco take his shirt of, read 50 Shades of Grey out loud to your girlfriends in a pillow fort you created in your apartment. ENJOY BEING SINGLE. Its something to be cherished.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Why I Love College
Let's be real...not everyone has a great time in high school. I did, sort of. I was popular..I was nice..I was on all the sports teams and in all the music ensembles and people generally liked me.
Even though I was in a sense, a "Golden Girl"..I never felt free. I felt eternally bound to the organizations and causes that were set out by students before me. I felt that I was walking along a path that had been tread many times before me, leading to a place that wasn't right for me.
So what did I do? I set out for the soft, pillowy, green grass. After graduation I decided to attend a university where no one from my home town had attended in almost 30 years. I arrived and I had never felt so different and so great! There were so many different cultures expressed as well as so many common resonances between students. I finally felt like I had arrived at an institution where others shared similar goals, but different aspirations for the future.
Okay, so this isn't the only reason I love college, I'm not that deep and philosophical. I also love college because in the midst of critical thinking and knowledge, there's almost a simplicity to the way people interact with each other.
Say you're in line at the dining center and you hear a fellow student exclaim that Nutella has been set out! Even though you want to trample over everyone like a ravenous, zombie buffalo, you all share a common moment of 'eureka'. Your head shoots up and a smile crosses your face and the faces of those around you. It doesn't matter what you look like, what your interests are, all you care about is hazelnut, cocoa goodness on your plate and in your belly.
This brings me to the next subject, JUNK FOOD. I grew up thinking that snacks were Saltines, almonds and granola bars. Well guess what, universe: I still ended up fat. I eat balanced meals every day to sustain my energy for my mounds of work and homework, but I love to indulge in some good old artery clogging crap. At college, you can eat whatever you want! Ice cream for breakfast, breakfast for lunch, and a bowl of meatballs for dinner if you want to! Its the best.
Another thing that is awesome is unlimited TV watching. Cable television shows the worst and best of today's culture. The best meaning the daily marathons of one of my favorite shows Everybody Loves Raymond, which I indulge in every day and the worst being the countless small claims court shows and soap operas. Don't forget that since you're in college you are also exposed to all of the terrible soap operas IN SPANISH. My friends and try to do brain stimulating activities with these programs, such as doing a "translation" of what they're saying. "Translation" meaning: making up random shit.
Hot dudes. There are so many hot dudes at college. If you recall a previous post on this blog discussing my fear of men, you'll remember that I am deathly afraid of dudes but I looooove looking at them. In high school, there was a slim picking of young men that were attractive as well as intelligent. In college, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. There's every flavor, type, personality, large quantities...its like Sam's Club...but hot dudes..
Oh College, how I love thee. I love the amount of school spirit, the sense of community, and the attractive people. I can't believe I have 2 and a half more years to experience its greatness, but at the same time I only have 2 and a half more years. I have grown up so much in the past 18 months I can't believe its even possible. College, I love you.
Even though I was in a sense, a "Golden Girl"..I never felt free. I felt eternally bound to the organizations and causes that were set out by students before me. I felt that I was walking along a path that had been tread many times before me, leading to a place that wasn't right for me.
So what did I do? I set out for the soft, pillowy, green grass. After graduation I decided to attend a university where no one from my home town had attended in almost 30 years. I arrived and I had never felt so different and so great! There were so many different cultures expressed as well as so many common resonances between students. I finally felt like I had arrived at an institution where others shared similar goals, but different aspirations for the future.
Okay, so this isn't the only reason I love college, I'm not that deep and philosophical. I also love college because in the midst of critical thinking and knowledge, there's almost a simplicity to the way people interact with each other.
Say you're in line at the dining center and you hear a fellow student exclaim that Nutella has been set out! Even though you want to trample over everyone like a ravenous, zombie buffalo, you all share a common moment of 'eureka'. Your head shoots up and a smile crosses your face and the faces of those around you. It doesn't matter what you look like, what your interests are, all you care about is hazelnut, cocoa goodness on your plate and in your belly.
This brings me to the next subject, JUNK FOOD. I grew up thinking that snacks were Saltines, almonds and granola bars. Well guess what, universe: I still ended up fat. I eat balanced meals every day to sustain my energy for my mounds of work and homework, but I love to indulge in some good old artery clogging crap. At college, you can eat whatever you want! Ice cream for breakfast, breakfast for lunch, and a bowl of meatballs for dinner if you want to! Its the best.
Another thing that is awesome is unlimited TV watching. Cable television shows the worst and best of today's culture. The best meaning the daily marathons of one of my favorite shows Everybody Loves Raymond, which I indulge in every day and the worst being the countless small claims court shows and soap operas. Don't forget that since you're in college you are also exposed to all of the terrible soap operas IN SPANISH. My friends and try to do brain stimulating activities with these programs, such as doing a "translation" of what they're saying. "Translation" meaning: making up random shit.
Hot dudes. There are so many hot dudes at college. If you recall a previous post on this blog discussing my fear of men, you'll remember that I am deathly afraid of dudes but I looooove looking at them. In high school, there was a slim picking of young men that were attractive as well as intelligent. In college, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. There's every flavor, type, personality, large quantities...its like Sam's Club...but hot dudes..
Oh College, how I love thee. I love the amount of school spirit, the sense of community, and the attractive people. I can't believe I have 2 and a half more years to experience its greatness, but at the same time I only have 2 and a half more years. I have grown up so much in the past 18 months I can't believe its even possible. College, I love you.
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