Single Girl Orgasms

There are many things I enjoy about being a single woman. The ability to check out as many men as I'd like, unlimited girl time, many many things.  I have started to call these things "single girl orgasms" and I'd like to share a few with you.

For some strange reason, women in committed relationships seem to think that all single females are miserable, ugly, feminists that just aren't trying hard enough to find a companion.  Well, I might be  ugly and a feminist, but I'm certainly not miserable.  I find indulgences in as many things as possible, putting these uppity ladies in their places.

Food: I used to hate food, and sometimes I still do.  As a girl in a relationship, I would always be conscience of what I ate around the select male.  Celery, cottage cheese and apple wedges were all I ever looked to.  As a single girl, you could eat an entire tub of Ben&Jerry's and still feel AWESOME. In fact, it's encouraged. Eat that Cherry Garcia, EAT!

Movies:  I can't tell you how many car chases, explosions and Megan Fox sex scenes I have unfortunately been exposed to.  As a single girl, you know I be watchin' those Norah Ephron flicks!  Crying when Julie Powell finds out that Julia Child hates her, laughing when Juno makes fun of Bleeker's mom.  As a girl in a relationship, you're often put through a lot, and I mean a lot, of bad movies.  As a single girl, you're also put through a lot of bad movies, but those usually include a shirtless heartthrob. See the difference?

Friends:  When you're in a relationship, you often sacrifice time that used to be spent with your friends.  It sucks.  Your friends get pissed at you, you get pissed at your friends, you're often told by your boyfriend that having so many male friends makes him uncomfortable. Its a bad situation.  Well, as a single girl you can be friends with whomever you want and spend unlimited time with them! This could include "date nights" with your best guy friends, sitcom marathons with your girls and unlimited pedicures with your friends' cool new nail polish.

Dancing:  When you go to a dance or the club with your boyfriend, dancing is pretty limited.  You're either forced to ram your booty on his junk all night or he only wants to dance to the slower songs.  Let's be real...I live in the Midwest, most guys suck at dancing here. Not all, but most.  When you're single, you can freak out and get your groove on in the weirdest of ways! You can do all of the cheesy dance moves, hop around from guy to guy on the dance floor or finally learn how to Bernie.  You never experience having fun until you're flying free to Love Shack with a hot pink boa wrapped around you.

Now, now, relationships aren't always bad.  They're nice when you're 89, on your death bed and have someone to carry away your buckets of urine. Until then, meaning from birth until age 88, you don't need that crap!  Live your life how you want it, on your own terms.  If you happen to find some idiot that aligns with those terms, I guess you could date or something dumb like that..but don't settle!

Eat unhealthy once in awhile, watch James Franco take his shirt of, read 50 Shades of Grey out loud to your girlfriends in a pillow fort you created in your apartment.  ENJOY BEING SINGLE. Its something to be cherished.