The Difference

I'm assuming that everyone, or lack their of, reading this blog is familiar with the difference between dreams and goals. Just as a refresher, a dream is something that you want to have, but it could be unattainable.  A goal is something that you work towards and eventually get there, hopefully.

Well, I have a secret.  Okay, if you know me its really not a secret, but if you don't I'm bearing all to tell you.     My goal is to go to law school in SoCal after my undergrad.  Live in Santa Monica near the beach, in a 3 bed, 2 bath apartment with my beloved cat Grandma Lois.  Monday through Saturday I will work tirelessly for the company I am representing and Sundays I will spend reading books down by the water, attending fundraisers for politicians and hiking the California mountain range.  I know I can do it. I know I can rub elbows with the likes of Condi Rice and Hilary Clinton, I know I can.  Don't get me wrong, I know it will take a lot of hard work, money, sweat, blood and lots and lots of tears but I am confident that some day I will look back at this moment and say, "I called it".

My dream is a little more complicated than that, and it might stem from my terrible self esteem.  My dream is to be a pretty girl.  Thin, bubbly and everyone likes her, her hair always looks awesome and there's always a line of  15 attractive men after her every want and need.  And she doesn't even have to try to be pretty, she just is.  That's what I want more than anything in this world.  The sinful part of this is that I probably am taking a few great qualities for granted. I want to be conventionally beautiful.  You know the type, the girl that always looks great in her outfits, perfect make up, perfect nails, perfect hair, probably blonde.

Its a sad, sad world when a girl knows she can be a successful attorney in America, but doesn't feel adequate because she doesn't meet the physical requirements of today's society.  There are always going to be those people that say, "You're beautiful just the way you are,", excuse me but what the hell does that mean? Every time I happen to leak that I hate everything about my physical self, someone will say those words to me and all I hear is, "You're okay looking-ish but you can't do anything about it, so just deal with it and shut up,".

That may or may not be what that person is thinking, but the fact that's what I'm hearing probably isn't the best sign.  Whenever someone tells me I'm attractive, pretty or heaven forbid sexy, puke, I cringe and just pretend to ignore it.  I feel like those words must be over used if someone would ever waste their time saying them about me.

Words like those should be saved for the world's true beauties.  Not just the ones who have perfect swimsuit  bodies, but the ones who have done serious work to make this world better.  My closest friends happen to be those girls.  They are the people that if I ever died, I would pass Grandma Lois down to, they are the people that have spent hours up at night working on documents, making calls and taking names in order to benefit someone else.  I don't have enough fingers and toes to count all the girls who are seriously so gorgeous, so upbeat and so talented that seem to find my friendship worth their pretty girl time.  I am so thankful for them but I will never understand why they waste their time with me.

I guess a dream is a dream is a dream.  Not everyone can have everything, and that is just a fact of life.  It is not cruel, just the way things work.  So for now I'll just stick my nose back into books about political ethics while I secretly in-vision myself as a single digit size, smiling beauty. *sigh*